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I don't know what happened...   
09:31am 06/12/2006
  That's not true, I know what happened...I saw it, felt it what happen...and I don't think I tried my best to stop it. Maybe I was just to naive or just too god-damned hopeful to really believe it was happening. That's what my problem was...too much fucking hope and optimism and complacency. Well, that's all over with...I'm done...I've got no more hope left, no more strength, no more fucking optimism, no more anything. Now, I'm just all alone...and all I feel is anger, jealousy, and loneliness. I'm no longer the person I was before...and not in a good way. Every now and then I get blinded and forget and believe the facade that everything's okay or gonna be okay...and for a little bit...I'm nice again, I'm "happy" again...and I'm actually driven to do something good or kind...but it all so short lived...so few and far between. I'm in a downward spiral and I'm pretty positive...that no one can save me.

Now, to whoever still reads this thing...don't think that it's just you or all your fault (not saying that anyone is gonna feel that way)...it's everyone and everything...intentional or not...with a combination of great timing...or maybe even fate (though, most people in the world think we're not meant to be alone). But either way...this is my last journal entry...

This is my goodbye.
 
     

(1 Evil Thought | Think Evil)

 
...for a friend...for the world...   
01:03am 25/06/2006
 
mood: okay

SEE THIS MOVIE


 
     

(6 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
Haven't Posted in Awhile...   
12:20pm 02/09/2004
 
mood: calm
Just trying to fill the void...not doing too much of a good job, though.
 
     

(18 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
Why am I like this?   
12:00pm 17/08/2004
 
mood: complacent
I wrote this last night (or I guess this morning) and when I tried to post it around 4:00, LiveJournal said no because it was in read-only while some maintenance was being done...Anyway, here it is:

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(7 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
Hi...:-D   
04:32pm 15/08/2004
 
mood: content
:::starts dancing and singing:::

Rescue me
Take me in your arms
Rescue me
I want your tender charm
'Cause I'm lonely
And I'm blue
I need you
And your love too
Come on and rescue me

Come on, baby, and rescue me
Come on, baby, and rescue me
'Cause I need you by my side
Can't you see that I'm lonely

Rescue me
Come on and take my heart
Take your love and conquer every part
'Cause I'm lonely
And I'm blue
I need you
And your love too
Come on and rescue me

Come on, baby, and rescue me
Come on, baby, and rescue me
'Cause I need you by my side
Can't you see that I'm lonely

Rescue me
Take me in your arms
Rescue me
I want your tender charm
'Cause I'm lonely
And I'm blue
I need you
And your love too
Come on and rescue me

(Come on baby)
Take me baby (take me baby)
Hold me baby (hold me baby)
Love me baby (love me baby)
Can't you see I need you baby
Can't you see that I'm lonely

Rescue me


:-D...
 
     

(4 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
The Tree of Might will leave the Earth withered and dry...   
08:47am 03/08/2004
 
mood: mellow
I have nothing to post...I never have anything to post...I'm just taking up space with this stupid, short, semi-blank entry...

I'm mellow...
I'm probably tired...I'm not sure...
Whatever...useless information.


I'll be back [home] on Sunday.
 
     

(9 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
Stolen From Peoples...   
11:30am 26/07/2004
 
mood: listless
The \\
Last Cigarette:Never
Last Alcoholic Drink:Um...I can't remember...
Last Car Ride:Like a week ago
Last Kiss:Um...never?
Last Good Cry:Good Cry?....um...sometime last week
Last Library Book:There's no way in hell I'm going to remember that!
Last book bought:The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Last Book Read:The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:I, Robot
Last Movie Rented:Elephant
Last Cuss Word Uttered:Um...Crap? Is that a cuss word?
Last Beverage Drank:Minute Maid: Tropical Punch
Last Food Consumed:Pringles
Last Crush:...:-/
Last Phone Call:Briana
Last TV Show Watched:Um...
Last Time Showered:Last Night
Last Shoes Worn:Air Nike
Last CD Played:Franz Ferdinand
Last Item Bought:Cheese :-D
Last Download:um...."N"
Last Annoyance:...
Last Disappointment:...
Last Soda Drank:Mountain Dew: Code Red
Last Thing Written:Some In-class Assignment for English Class
Last Key Used:s
Last Words Spoken:Yeah, it's 11:04...
Last Sleep:Last Night
Last Ice Cream Eaten:Cookie Dough
Last Chair Sat In:This one...no, um...the chair in English Class
Last Webpage Visited:LiveJournal: Friends Page

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
 
     

(3 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
This Entry will have no title...doh!!   
08:20am 13/07/2004
 
mood: complacent
Why do you torture yourself?!

I know why...
and I know why because I know the evil that lies within you and you know too. And the little once of good in you tries to bring some kind of justice to this world through your own self-depreciation, your "torture," your...punishment. However, the punishment doesn't fit the crime...no, it could never. No punishment in this life or the next could ever "amount" to the amount of evil in your heart. Raping children and their mothers, feeding parents to their children, slaughtering the innocent, turning brother against brother, friend against friend, husband against wife; these sinful thoughts lurk around, throughout your wicked mind...longing to be more than just thoughts. You're a demon wearing the skin and wings of a murdered angel. You "hide" in the light, loved by all who surround you. They don't know the real you; but I do...and if you don't end your life now, I will. So just do everyone a favor and rid this world of your putrid...vile soul.

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(12 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
A fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun...   
02:44am 24/06/2004
 
mood: awake
From Red VS Blue: Series One, right after Church (ghost) has taken over the Red's Sargent's body:

Griff: "Sir are you okay?"
Church/Sarge: "Yeah, I'm fine...I'm...just so mad about these...goddamn Blues out here, I'm so goddamn mad...I could spit!" :::spits:::
Griff: "Um...sir, did you just spit inside your own helmet?"
Church/Sarge: "Uh...Yeah, I guess I did."
Griff: "Permission to speak freely, sir."
Church/Sarge: "Go ahead..."
Griff: "That's really fucking gross."

I love that show.

Anyway, I don't know why...but, recently I haven't been able to sleep at night, but it's not like I've been trying to...I haven't, I've just been really awake...I dunno. Um...I wrote something...if you want to check it out, it's in the community broken_phrases. here's the link to it.
 
     

(Think Evil)

 
The Smell of Death...Intoxicating...   
06:34pm 21/06/2004
 
mood: calm
The title of entry has nothing to do with this entry, but you will see it again. Anyway...

I stole this from </a></b></a>fragmented_lies

Bold what you've seen all the way through.
Italicize what you've seen part of.
Underline what you own on DVD or video.
Add three of your own.

Note: A number of the movies I've seen, I have on video...but...I only underlined the movies I have on DVD.

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(8 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
The Love I Have For You...   
03:13am 20/06/2004
 
mood: awake
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(5 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
Life's Big Questions   
02:34pm 14/06/2004
 
mood: complacent
Since the beginning of time, mankind has searched for answers to the big questions: "Where did we come frome?" "Is there life after death?" "Are we alone?"

But today, in this very theater, you'll be asked to answer the ultimate question:

"Who lives in a pineapple, under the sea?"


The Spongebob Square Pants Movie

 
     

(10 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
Kenna - Hell Bent   
05:13pm 10/06/2004
 
mood: Hell Bent
"Hell Bent"

Am I the key
of fiction and heartache
and the pain
is of no consequence
when I am Hell bent
my walls are
closing in

Controlling me, controlling me,
is loosing me, your loosing,
controll of me, controll of me,
your loosing

Am I awake
the morning star
that brings me here
since everything in me
between pluto and god
all is hell bent
my walls are closing in
I feel the claim

controlling me, controlling me,
is loosing me, your loosing,
controll of me, controll of me,
your loosing, your loosing
controll of me, controll of me,
your loosing me then oooh
controlling me, controlling me,
yeah, said
naked, broken my world closing
and I can't find myself
or my way out hey

hey
la
ah ah ah

controlling me
controlling me
controlling me
your loosing me
say oooh
ooooh
controlling me
oooh yeah

hell bent
my walls are
closing in




"Love Hate Sensation"

Give me a ride on a zephyr
And rocket away from here
Give me all your affection
And teach me how to feel

I got a love hate sensation
Coursing through my veins
I got a love hate sensation
Driving me insane

Cryin'

There's a better way to roll
A better way to go
A better way to feel
Can you feel me
A better way to roll
A better way to go
A better way to feel
Can you feel me

Give me a ride on that zephyr
Cuz you're going off from here
I need all your affection
Please
Teach me how to feel

I've got a love hate sensation
Coursing through my veins
I've got a love hate sensation
Driving me insane

Cryin'

There's a better to roll
A better way to go
A better way to feel
Can you feel me
A better way to roll
A better way to go
A better way to feel
Can you feel me

Oh
Yeah
Oh

Anything is everything you need
Some think so
You can't tell which way you wanna roll
I just wanna go
M-E-D-I-C-I-N-E
It's how you live and breath
Maybe I'm not the help that you seek
But I know

There's a better to roll
A better way to go
A better way to feel
Can you feel me
A better way to roll
A better way to go
A better way to feel
Can you feel me
A better way (whoaa)
A better way (whoaa)
A better way (whoaa)
Yeah
A better way (whoaa)
A better way (whoaa)
A better way (whoaa)




"Vexed and Glorious"

catch the next jet
no time to reflect
we never fit
are you happy now?
no excuses
quit bellyachin'
love is medicine
for this life

i wake up late
blame you for fate
vexed and glorious as ever
i want you here
blame you, my dear
vexed and glorious as ever

out of control
we're out of control
we're gonna hit the wall
hold me closer now
no excuses
quit bellyachin'
love is medicine
for this life

i wake up late
blame you for fate
vexed and glorious as ever
i want you here
blame you, my dear
vexed and glorious as ever
i wake up late
blame you for fate
vexed and glorious as ever
i want you here
blame you, my dear
vexed and glorious as ever

oh...oh...oh...oh...
i'll never change
better worse or the same
better worse or the same
can you still love me?
love me no different?
love me not all?
better worse for the same
better worse for the same
can you still love me?
love me no different?
or love me when...

...i wake up late
blame you for fate
vexed and glorious as ever
i want you here
blame you, my dear
vexed and glorious as ever
i wake up late(i wake up late)
blame you for fate(blame you)
i want you here(i want you here)
vexed and glorious as ever
blame you, my dear
vexed and glorious as ever

oh, oh, oh(tra la la la la, la...la...la...)oh, oh, oh...




"Man Fading"

i need to be brilliant, electric
i wanted to be natural
this god should be fantastic
lets start a revolution
a true revolution
i havnt felt the same
since i arrived i haven't slept a wink

i'm just a man fading
i've been a little bit jaded
everybody wants to get on
the neon lights have got it all
i'm living a sensation
walk inside invasions
nobody wants to really know
the neon lights have got it all
the neon lights...

i need to be elected, perfected
needs beyond the blue
feel the satisfaction
i want to be a light source
a blaring night force
i havnt felt the same
since i arrived i haven't slept a wink

and this is how it starts
before we lose it all
i know we're not coming
god knows when i'm gone

i'm just a man fading
i've been a little bit jaded
everybody wants to get on
the neon lights have got it all
i'm living a sensation
walk inside invasions
nobody really wants to know
the neon lights have got it all
the neon lights...

well, this is how it starts
before we lose it all
i know we're not coming
god knows when i'm gone

i'm just a man fading
i've been a little bit jaded
everybody wants to get on
the neon lights have got it all
i'm living a sensation
walk inside invasions
nobody wants to really know
the neon lights have got it all
i'm just a man fading
i've been a little bit jaded
everybody wants to get on
the neon lights have got it all
i'm living a sensation
walk inside invasions
nobody wants to really know
the neon lights have got it all
the neon lights...
 
     

(1 Evil Thought | Think Evil)

 
"...My walls are closing in...."   
07:55pm 09/06/2004
 
mood: lonely
Informationi
unspeakableevil is a restricted area. Authorised personel only

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com
 
     

(2 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
Hey look, it's Mr. McGreg...with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!   
10:54pm 03/06/2004
  Alright...

"Hi Everbody!!!"

"Hey Dr. Nick!!!:

"What the...?!?! No, I'm Dr. Zani, the not so crazy/stupid doctor who is secretly a leader of a Nazi Organization built for only one purpose...which will remain secret."


Anyway, that was totally random, but I just wanted to say "Hi" to all my favorite peoples...though, most of you won't see this until after on my way back...the rest of you probably won't check livejournal until I'm already back. Oh yeah, for those of you who don't know, I'm at UF, at preview, registering, getting "free" stuff, chillin'; and of course, missing all of you guys. Yeah, I'm probably just going to wander around some more, so I'll post some other stuff later.


"Bye Everybody!!!"

Homer: "Bye Dr. Nick!! Du-oh!!
 
     

(Think Evil)

 
Can you believe it?!?!?! I didn't put a title!!! Doh!!!   
09:53pm 26/05/2004
 
mood: weird
Just the end "To What End" by Thrice...don't know why I decided to post this, but it seems somewhat appropriate for what I'm thinking about right now.


Did I not feel your love?
Did I not feel your hate?
And did my heart not beat?
And did, MY HEART NOT BREAK?!
And are these tears for naught?
And are these worlds in vain?
If this is all we are, then what,
HAVE WE TO GAIN?!

What of all the art and books?
Music and poetry?
What of all our memories?
What of OUR HOPES AND DREAMS?!
They hold no value then
We hold no faith but greed
So I must ask you,
To what end do we proceed?
 
     

(2 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
Miscellaneous   
04:06pm 17/05/2004
 
mood: lonely
I'm sorry I haven't been posting very often...I don't know what to do/write...I want to write something deep and meaningful, but when I try to...it's ends up being something stupid or it seems like I'm biting off someone else or it seems like I'm just writing to complain and get attention (I hate complaining and I try my best not to; but I do it all the time)...I guess I'm not very deep at all. Also, all I've been posting recently are entries that are gloomy/sad/depressing/angry...and I apologize for all of that...again, I just don't know what to do. I never know what to do. Sometimes...more so, often...I feel useless...like the only thing I'm really good for it being big or strong (though, I'm not really strong)...I guess that's why I love to help people...and I scorn myself when I can't or don't.

I guess it makes me think...can I really say that I love to help people or am I just being selfish by helping because it makes me feel better? But doesn't everone do that? I mean, what is love? Why do we love things or people? Because of the way they make us feel? The way we feel when we see them, or when we hear their voice, or when we notice little quirks that they have, or when they tell us how special we are? Tim Rogers, this guy that Shaw or David (I'll try to say which one you prefer and I'm sorry if you don't prefer being called Shaw) discovered, posted something that could probably answer all those questions, but I guess I'm too lazy or something to read it...I still mean to and I'm sorry I haven't already. Anyway, I'm not saying that people are all selfish and only do things in their own self interest...no, I'm not trying to be negative like that...I'm just trying to see if the reasons I do certain things are right or wrong. But who's to say what's right or wrong?

I'm sorry that all I have are questions and no answers...I wish I was smart enough to answer all these questions, but I'm sure Jorge or Shaw or Jimmy or Tim Rogers could answer them...they think about stuff like that and actually come up with answers, when all I can do it think about things and get caught up in the emotions I feel. I guess I'm filled with too much emotion and no intellect...but if I'm filled with so much emotion...why is it so hard for me to be "deep." But I guess...and here comes another question that I have no answer to...what is it to be "deep?" I spend so much time thinking and I get nowhere (intellectually)...it's like I've plateaued or something.

You know...when we were playing the question game (this is directed to the people I hung out with after prom) and I answered "It's too private" to the question: "What's one of the happiest moment of you life?..." I figured out an answer that was just as close at the private one...It was the night I saw "Matrix: Reloaded" at Sunset with a most of you guys and it was at the end, during the credits...that was one of the happiest moments of my life, not because I had just finishing see an fucking awesome movie (though it was and still is, in my opinion), but because as I was walking down the row that the thirteen of use were sitting in, I felt important...I felt awesome...and in the words of Charlie from the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower: "I felt infinite."

Now, I'm not saying that you guys don't make me feel good all the time...you do...it's just...I dunno...I've never felt it to that degree before... You know, maybe that's why I'm posting this entry, because I don't feel too important right now, or too special, or too awesome... I'm not asking for pity...and I never mean to consiously, in fact, I kind of don't like it when people do or say things for pity (but I do understand why people want it)...though, I don't mind when people give pity...and I find it weird when people get, for the lack of a better word, offended when people give them pity...I mean, what's so wrong if a person has pity for you? If they feel bad because they felt that something that bad shouldn't have happened because you don't deserve it...then let them say it...I mean, you should be glad that someone care about you like that, right? Well, maybe they don't want you to feel bad...which is understandable...but whether someone feels bad is a consenquence you just have to face...I mean, they wanted to listen, right? And they accepted the fact they might feel bad after they were finished listening. (Mind you, I do this 98.1% of the time)

Anyway, like I was "saying," I don't feel very special right now...and I'm afraid, jealous, angry, and lonely...so I guess, because I'm so full of these emotions...I had to write this post to let some things out to make space for them. I guess after so long, I might be running out of space... I don't want to though...like I've said, probably, many times before...I want to be someone not bothered by anger or hatred or jealousy or fear...but I'm human...and it's something I just have to deal with...though, I don't want to be...I want to be perfect in a way...and I can't, because no one is or can be...and then I get angry at myself because, I try to be perfect when I know I can't be or though I try to be perfect, I don't worry about getting all A's and I want to. I'm tired of writing... I think I'll go play guitar.
 
     

(21 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
...   
09:50pm 11/05/2004
 
mood: crushed
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHY?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHY?!?!?FUCK!!!!!!!!DAMN!!!SHIT!...

:::sigh:::

No one to blame, nothing anyone do...just accept it, right? Yeah...

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRRR!!!!

Fuck...

Sorry...

AH!!
 
     

(5 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
She never left me, and there are no dark sweatmarks where my fucking heart should be...   
09:00pm 10/05/2004
 
mood: uncomfortable
Fuck...

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...sorry about that...

Oh...and one more thing...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
     

(13 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)

 
After life, there is more...the end is just the beginning.   
08:25pm 04/05/2004
 
mood: lonely
I just finished watching "What Dreams May Come" for the first time...and I love the movie...for me, the movie was completely amazing...I laughed...I cried...and in some moments, I was "At the edge of my seat." (I'm not just saying that too, it's really true) I wanna get it on DVD. I know I'm a sap for drama/romance movies...but I can't help it though. :/ I love love. :)
 
     

(4 Evil Thoughts | Think Evil)